Tonight - coming home - I waited for the Q train on an empty subway platform….feeling tired, lonely - and alone. As I stood there.…gradually, I became aware of what sounded like a babbling brook. I looked around – and, to my delight – there it was! A river of water ran down the very center of the tracks. The sound of a gentle stream in that underground concrete desert was refreshing...and as I stood entranced, listening to its soothing voice, I noticed a young rat had made her way out of the shadows, over the iron railing to the edge of the “stream”.
She paused and looked around for a long while…taking in her surroundings, scanning for danger….then she slowly lowered the front part of her body over the edge, hanging on precariously with her hind legs to the concrete “bank”…I watched her fishing around in the water with her tiny and delicate front paws….suddenly, she seized a piece of food, caught in an eddy of the current. She scrambled back over the railing and disappeared into her hole in the wall. After a minute - out she popped and this time decided to meander down the stream…
As I watched her, I noticed a man further down the subway station, crouched down on the platform and studying her movements with great interest. Together, we observed her navigate her way along the stream…in and out of the water – sniffing here and there….and I started to wonder what he saw as he watched her so intently.
Did he see a beautiful, dappled brown creature, with bright and alert eyes, wonderful twitching whiskers and pretty pink paws? Did he notice her quick intelligence and incredible adaptability? Did he think about her struggles to survive and wonder at this gift of sanity and nature – the flowing stream and the wild animal at our feet – far from the fresh air and natural light?
...Or did he merely see a DIRTY RAT?
I guess I’ll never know…
....the train came, we boarded different cars – and traveled into the night.
The rat? She’s home – safe and snug – in her house on the banks of that babbling brook.
...and me? Well, I’m not so lonely now….
.
African nights…
I’m lying in bed and the moon fills the sky. The nighttime sounds are loud and rhythmic. Bat’s chirp and rustle and the insects sing….As usual, I can’t sleep and my skinny, young body tosses and turns as I puzzle over the day’s events, life and all that it means…
My bed sits against a huge window and I can look out into the blackness of the African night. I’m lying on my side with my hand resting on the window sill, wide awake with all senses fine-tuned to the night….I can see, smell and hear everything. And the air is vibrant with life.
Gradually, I become aware of a small presence in the room – I know it’s a rat because I can hear the tiny pitter patter of it’s small feet….I’m listening to him now. He gradually works his way around the room and comes closer to my bed….Suddenly, I realize he’s on the windowsill…moving towards my outstretched hand at an unhurried and leisurely pace….I freeze and hold my breath, delighted with the unusual sighting of this shy and intelligent creature. For a moment, I wonder if he will bite me but decide that, from all my experience with rats - considerable for an eight year old - it’s not likely that he will harm me….
He patters up to my hand and stops abruptly. Suddenly, I sense tension in his silhouette….he didn’t expect a hand in his path. I feel his diminutive and precious breath along with the gentlest of tickling feelings from his whiskers as he explores my hand….For a brief moment, time stands still and I am happy.
Without panic, he turns and wanders away – he has lots to do before daybreak – and I’m left delighted, satisfied and at peace…I drift off to sleep…comforted.
.
It's over....again.
When you've been living with 6 kittens for over 9 weeks.....and then suddenly they are gone....there's silence....and all you can see are tiny ghosts flitting back and forth....where just a little while ago there were crazy evening romps full of silly jumps and mad capers - now there is just a silent, empty room....
My precious little ones have gone....and I'm sad. I know they all have good homes and their new owner's evenings are filled with delight and wonder but still....
I sat tonight in that empty room and remembered.....
My closest animal friend ever was my sweet "Gogo"....he was a wonderful African pygmy goat that I rescued one dark night by scrambling through the jungle (we called in "bush") to where he had been left to die at a shrine - surrounded by dead carcasses of goats and sheep who had not been so lucky...their throats slit and their legs stiff....
He was barely 24 hours old and had been tied up and left as an offering to some strange (aren't they all?) God who demanded suffering of little innocent things....sound familiar?....why is it that the God's seem to always require the innocents to suffer?
Whatever the Gods might have wanted......I rescued him and he came home to live with me in my bedroom on the back veranda of our house - where we formed a strange and wonderful bond - the like of which I've not seen or heard of since. I learned to speak his language and I came to understand him when he spoke to me of the yearnings of his little heart. He had many desires and he communicated them to me in a tonal language much like the one spoken (by humans) in our little corner of Africa....
He could covey everything he wanted just by the inflection he put on his "baaaaaaa's"......sometimes he called to me in loneliness - asking me "Where are you?"....I would respond with the correct "baaaaaaa" and say "I'm right here, baby, nothing to worry about - just come closer and you'll see me"....he would say back "Oh good!" and come over to where he could see me again and I would make a few more soothing sounds to which he would answer in contented little grunts.....happy to be safe again with "Mama".
I actually said those things to him and he actually spoke to me (all in "goat" of course)....we were conveying very specific ideas to each other and the thoughts he was trying to convey would form clearly in my mind....I never questioned this and it wasn't until years later that I realized the amazing scope of the ideas he had and how simply and effortlessly we talked....
We ran around the campus where I lived (on the edge of the "bush") and together we explored, played and talked. He liked to initiate a game - he would ask if we could play and I would say "yes"! I would do a backbend and he would run from a long ways away and leap onto my stomach. We played this one a lot! Baby goats love to leap in play!
I remember his grassy breath as he breathed in my face when he nibbled on my nose....I remember his soft grunts of pleasure, comfort and closeness as he curled up next to me or on my lap and fell asleep....I remember his trusting and intelligent eyes when they gazed at me with real understanding and what I knew was love.
I was his universe and from the safety of my side he explored his world and was everyday - enchanted. The soft green grass, the palm trees, the blue African sky with the monumental, white clouds floating overhead.....all seen through his questing little heart were pure magic. I think for a moment there - I was truly happy!
I miss you, my dearest one, and I always will. It's been over 30 years but Time will never heal the loss of someone like you. Your brave, eager spirit still wanders by my side...
I love you, Gogo.....
.
My precious little ones have gone....and I'm sad. I know they all have good homes and their new owner's evenings are filled with delight and wonder but still....
I sat tonight in that empty room and remembered.....
My closest animal friend ever was my sweet "Gogo"....he was a wonderful African pygmy goat that I rescued one dark night by scrambling through the jungle (we called in "bush") to where he had been left to die at a shrine - surrounded by dead carcasses of goats and sheep who had not been so lucky...their throats slit and their legs stiff....
He was barely 24 hours old and had been tied up and left as an offering to some strange (aren't they all?) God who demanded suffering of little innocent things....sound familiar?....why is it that the God's seem to always require the innocents to suffer?
Whatever the Gods might have wanted......I rescued him and he came home to live with me in my bedroom on the back veranda of our house - where we formed a strange and wonderful bond - the like of which I've not seen or heard of since. I learned to speak his language and I came to understand him when he spoke to me of the yearnings of his little heart. He had many desires and he communicated them to me in a tonal language much like the one spoken (by humans) in our little corner of Africa....
He could covey everything he wanted just by the inflection he put on his "baaaaaaa's"......sometimes he called to me in loneliness - asking me "Where are you?"....I would respond with the correct "baaaaaaa" and say "I'm right here, baby, nothing to worry about - just come closer and you'll see me"....he would say back "Oh good!" and come over to where he could see me again and I would make a few more soothing sounds to which he would answer in contented little grunts.....happy to be safe again with "Mama".
I actually said those things to him and he actually spoke to me (all in "goat" of course)....we were conveying very specific ideas to each other and the thoughts he was trying to convey would form clearly in my mind....I never questioned this and it wasn't until years later that I realized the amazing scope of the ideas he had and how simply and effortlessly we talked....
We ran around the campus where I lived (on the edge of the "bush") and together we explored, played and talked. He liked to initiate a game - he would ask if we could play and I would say "yes"! I would do a backbend and he would run from a long ways away and leap onto my stomach. We played this one a lot! Baby goats love to leap in play!
I remember his grassy breath as he breathed in my face when he nibbled on my nose....I remember his soft grunts of pleasure, comfort and closeness as he curled up next to me or on my lap and fell asleep....I remember his trusting and intelligent eyes when they gazed at me with real understanding and what I knew was love.
I was his universe and from the safety of my side he explored his world and was everyday - enchanted. The soft green grass, the palm trees, the blue African sky with the monumental, white clouds floating overhead.....all seen through his questing little heart were pure magic. I think for a moment there - I was truly happy!
I miss you, my dearest one, and I always will. It's been over 30 years but Time will never heal the loss of someone like you. Your brave, eager spirit still wanders by my side...
I love you, Gogo.....
.
Walking Under A Full Moon
so last night I wandered all the way from 8th & Broadway to 50th and Broadway under a full September Moon.....that took me up to Union Square (at 9:30 at night - positively teeming with people....) then up to the FlatIron building (my favorite building in NY)....I stood at the tip of it and looked up. Then it was on to about 10 or so blocks of wasteland....not too many people or cars - a little scary.....then up came 34th street and Macy's (nice windows - all the manikins in each window in black except for one in each window in red).
Finally, just as my feet were hurting and I was getting tired I started to see bright lights ahead and slowly came up on Times Square....very interesting - lots of people taking pictures....lots of cops (why?)...lots of tourists (I know why!).....
At the far end of Times Square I went down into the subway and got on the red line......went to 72nd and got off and sat down on a bench to catch the express.....a man on the other side of the tracks (on the downtown side) dropped a large pipe onto the tracks....it landed with a clang and everyone turned around to see what he would do...He hesitated and then jumped down to the tracks.... a collective sigh went up - several people said things like "don't do it!" or "you got to do what you got to do!"....he quickly picked up the pipe, put it on the platform and then scrambled back up....we all sighed with relief.....2 minutes later, a train rolled in.....
Just another beautiful night in Manhattan.....
.
Finally, just as my feet were hurting and I was getting tired I started to see bright lights ahead and slowly came up on Times Square....very interesting - lots of people taking pictures....lots of cops (why?)...lots of tourists (I know why!).....
At the far end of Times Square I went down into the subway and got on the red line......went to 72nd and got off and sat down on a bench to catch the express.....a man on the other side of the tracks (on the downtown side) dropped a large pipe onto the tracks....it landed with a clang and everyone turned around to see what he would do...He hesitated and then jumped down to the tracks.... a collective sigh went up - several people said things like "don't do it!" or "you got to do what you got to do!"....he quickly picked up the pipe, put it on the platform and then scrambled back up....we all sighed with relief.....2 minutes later, a train rolled in.....
Just another beautiful night in Manhattan.....
.
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