It's over....again.

When you've been living with 6 kittens for over 9 weeks.....and then suddenly they are gone....there's silence....and all you can see are tiny ghosts flitting back and forth....where just a little while ago there were crazy evening romps full of silly jumps and mad capers - now there is just a silent, empty room....

My precious little ones have gone....and I'm sad. I know they all have good homes and their new owner's evenings are filled with delight and wonder but still....

I sat tonight in that empty room and remembered.....

My closest animal friend ever was my sweet "Gogo"....he was a wonderful African pygmy goat that I rescued one dark night by scrambling through the jungle (we called in "bush") to where he had been left to die at a shrine - surrounded by dead carcasses of goats and sheep who had not been so lucky...their throats slit and their legs stiff....

He was barely 24 hours old and had been tied up and left as an offering to some strange (aren't they all?) God who demanded suffering of little innocent things....sound familiar?....why is it that the God's seem to always require the innocents to suffer?

Whatever the Gods might have wanted......I rescued him and he came home to live with me in my bedroom on the back veranda of our house - where we formed a strange and wonderful bond - the like of which I've not seen or heard of since. I learned to speak his language and I came to understand him when he spoke to me of the yearnings of his little heart. He had many desires and he communicated them to me in a tonal language much like the one spoken (by humans) in our little corner of Africa....

He could covey everything he wanted just by the inflection he put on his "baaaaaaa's"......sometimes he called to me in loneliness - asking me "Where are you?"....I would respond with the correct "baaaaaaa" and say "I'm right here, baby, nothing to worry about - just come closer and you'll see me"....he would say back "Oh good!" and come over to where he could see me again and I would make a few more soothing sounds to which he would answer in contented little grunts.....happy to be safe again with "Mama".

I actually said those things to him and he actually spoke to me (all in "goat" of course)....we were conveying very specific ideas to each other and the thoughts he was trying to convey would form clearly in my mind....I never questioned this and it wasn't until years later that I realized the amazing scope of the ideas he had and how simply and effortlessly we talked....

We ran around the campus where I lived (on the edge of the "bush") and together we explored, played and talked. He liked to initiate a game - he would ask if we could play and I would say "yes"! I would do a backbend and he would run from a long ways away and leap onto my stomach. We played this one a lot! Baby goats love to leap in play!

I remember his grassy breath as he breathed in my face when he nibbled on my nose....I remember his soft grunts of pleasure, comfort and closeness as he curled up next to me or on my lap and fell asleep....I remember his trusting and intelligent eyes when they gazed at me with real understanding and what I knew was love.

I was his universe and from the safety of my side he explored his world and was everyday - enchanted. The soft green grass, the palm trees, the blue African sky with the monumental, white clouds floating overhead.....all seen through his questing little heart were pure magic. I think for a moment there - I was truly happy!

I miss you, my dearest one, and I always will. It's been over 30 years but Time will never heal the loss of someone like you. Your brave, eager spirit still wanders by my side...

I love you, Gogo.....



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